The Space Between What Is Said And What Is Heard

A co passenger in the metro questioned the blind man (Surdas) sitting beside him “Being blind, you must be facing many difficulties.”

Surdas in his mid-fifties, paused, smiled and replied, “living is easy with eyes closed. I am better than many who can see, for what they often see is misunderstanding in others.”

His expression changed as he shared that he was not blind from birth. A train blast in his late forties, gradually took away his eyesight. “Before I lost my sight, I learnt to observe life minutely. Today, travelling, handling things, people and managing situations is not difficult. Many misunderstand my disability as the end of good living. My eyes are shut, but my vision and ability to visualize what surrounds me remain alive.”

Holding Surdas’s hand, the co-passenger said, “Your condition may define you as a disabled, but your thinking rises above many with sight. Why did you say that those who see, mostly see misunderstanding in others?”

Surdas replied, “As I began losing my eyesight, my wife found it difficult to cope. I soon realized how painful it is to be misunderstood by the people who matter most. Before I lost my eyesight completely, she was out of my sight. As a practicing advocate I did not plead my case and accepted her divorce petition. Where misunderstanding serves another’s advantage, one often becomes helpless to make oneself understood."

Over the years practicing law, I have seen how small issues grow into painful conflicts. Most disputes arise in the space between what is said and what is heard. It is within that space that the silent storm of misunderstanding gathers.

“The worst distance between people is misunderstanding. Kanoon Andha hai – (the law is blind) and with my own blindness, I now first ask both parties what they truly understand and what they may have misunderstood. Often, a clearer understanding leads to an out-of-court settlement.”

Surdas went on to say family disputes legal cases taught him another lesson. A good relationship depends on how well we prevent misunderstanding. We seldom ask how hundred beautiful moments can be overshadowed by one misunderstood moment. Today, friendships and relationships are often buried beneath petty misunderstandings.

 “People even hide illness because of stigma and misunderstandings. The root of misunderstanding lies not in the lack of communication but in the lack of willingness to truly see and hear one another.”

The train halted and Surdas said the next station I have to alight. Let me quickly share a perspective of Gurbani. Guru Ramdasji teaches, “The self-willed manmukhs are deluded by doubt, because of the disease of ego within their minds." (SGGS Aang 301). We need to realize It is our internal spiritual darkness that causes us to misinterpret situations, people, and intentions.   

Ego prevents us from seeing objectively, “I am always right” becomes a prison that deepens emotional, psychological and spiritual suffering. Bhagat Farid reminds us “Do not break anyone's heart; these are all priceless jewels.”

Anger and impulse magnify misunderstandings, while empathy dissolves negative assumptions. Spirituality views misunderstanding not as a failure, but as an opportunity for deeper self-awareness.

Before seeking to be understood, seek to understand for many relationships are not broken by words, but by the meanings we attach to them.

Let our doubts and duality be dissolved by the Guru’s Shabad seeking His blessings and grace always, to hear not only words but also hearts.