The Unnecessary - UNFORTUNATE

Two friends were visiting their third friend who had been advised 6 months bed rest. One remarked, “You seem to be in good spirits”. “I choose to be” came the reply.

Reclining his motorised bed comfortably, he continued, “I have been in bed for a month, but I have been walking through many learnings using my digital facilities. Reading, listening and thinking have brought new meaning and purpose to life. While my body rests, I have kept my mind occupied- de-learning and learning, controlling my thoughts and decluttering unwanted pressures, routines and the belief that everything depends on me.

“What put you on this track?” one asked. “In the first week of my illness, relatives visiting me repeatedly expressed concern about my ‘unfortunate’ illness. The word bothered me. I began a conversation with myself and a question emerged: Do we realise how fortunate we are only when we become ‘unfortunate’?”

He recalled reading a traditional Sikh account about Bhai Jetha ji, who lost his mother very young and his father soon after. Orphaned at seven, his maternal grandmother took him with her. They lived in poverty and earned a meagre living selling roasted chickpeas. People around called him unlucky and warned their children to stay away from his supposed ‘unlucky shadow’. Yet life unfolded differently. Through humility, selfless service (seva) and spiritual transformation Bhai Jetha ji eventually became Guru Ramdas ji, the fourth Sikh Guru. He planned and established the holy township now called Amritsar, initiated the excavation of the amrit sarovar (holy pool) and even composed the Laavan, the beautiful four rounds Sikh wedding hymns. The person society called unfortunate” became a revered Guru.  

The ailing friend flipped a few pages of his note book and said “I now see nothing unfortunate about my medical condition. It has given me many learnings. Unfortunate is often used for sympathy, disappointment or failure. A realization that sometimes what is truly unfortunate is what we unnecessarily create within ourselves.”

Gurbani reveals how humans can make themselves ‘unfortunate’- through qualities they choose to live with. They seem petty but matter deeply. Our ailing friend confessed to a few, “I was unfortunate when I was comfortable being mean to others. I was unfortunate when I looked at people and saw only their faults. The wrongdoer can be more unfortunate than the one wronged. I was unfortunate when I complained, cried and worried about problems instead of trying to solve them.”

His spiritual journey brought another realisation. His understanding of misfortune was it need not always be punishment; it can become a circumstance through which inner growth, compassion and a shift in perspective emerge. Bhagat Kabir verses in Gurbani say a person is truly poor or unfortunate only if the Naam does not reside within them, regardless of worldly riches.

There seemed clarity when the ailing friend said, “labelling situations as good or bad can itself create unnecessary suffering. True spiritual maturity lies not merely in changing the situation, but in changing how we respond to it.

In the room the television was On but in mute mode. A report of the war situation was on screen, the ailing friend reacted “How unfortunate that humanity still believes peace must be secured by preparing for war.”

Tea arrived as silence soaked in the thoughts shared by an ailing body and a fit, fortunate mind.