Being Sticky

In 1968 an accidental discovery in a sticky situation became a worldwide need and which is in demand to date. Spencer Silver a 3M researcher was working to create a stronger adhesive for the aerospace industry and ended up creating a weak adhesive that could easily be removed without residue. Arthur Fry then used the adhesive microspheres creating temporary sticky paper notes as bookmarks for church. This was the start for the Post-it sticky sheets which became an overnight success.

Not all sticky situations bring good results. Having sticky thoughts, emotions or actions with people in different situations may bring shades of responses not to our advantage. As strange as this may seem, the most effective way to live with a sticky mind is not to struggle with it, but to change your relationship with it. A 2liner on stickiness of the mind in psychology defines it as; a tendency to become mired in worry along with flights into catastrophic images and thoughts.

Being with sticky thoughts an interesting facet is that they do not respond to direct efforts to get rid of them. In fact, resisting these thoughts by arguing with them, distracting from them, trying to substitute other thoughts, seeking reassurance about them, drawing back with fear or criticizing oneself simply results in their return with even more distressing thoughts. Now if you add shame and anger it only multiplies. Stickiness has a tendency to make thoughts seem important and urgent even when they are not. Undue priority to these thoughts is only a struggle that stays.

Stickiness is not a sign of mental illness; it is a characteristic that once understood can be incorporated into a full and meaningful life. Being sticky in relationships has worked for many by indulging in asking questions, listening to ideas, wanting feedbacks, increasing self-awareness, foster self-regulation and experience big gains in self-trust and mutual trust over time.

The other side of sticky relationships seems more common. If you are prone to catastrophic thoughts and unrelenting worry, stickiness increases with the stress of fatigue, illness, chronic conflict, as well as with positive stress like excitement. This emotional and behavioral condition affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with co-dependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and or abusive.

The terrible sticky thing about truth is if it exists it's coming for you. Be the one in whom feeling is not sticky or blocked and through whom experiences of the world pass like the reflections of birds flying over water.

There are many more sticky situations but we need to identify and label sticky thoughts and actions that bring meaning to our life, in this world and beyond. Gurbani in many verses teaches us to deal with sticky situations.

“The filth of egotism from countless incarnations sticks to me; joining the Sangat, the Holy Congregation, this filth is washed away’. SGGS ang1309

“The filth of fraud and falsehood does not stick to those who, by Guru’s Grace, remain awake and aware, night and day. The Immaculate Naam, the Name of the Lord, abides deep within their hearts; their light merges into the Light’. SGGS ang129

“When God instils His fear, a balanced detachment springs up in the mind. Through this detachment, the Lord is obtained and one remains absorbed in the Lord. He alone is liberated, who conquers his mind; Maya does not stick to him again. He dwells in the Tenth Gate, and obtains the understanding of the three worlds”. SGGS ang490