The Wonderful Thing About Mess Is - You Can Always Clean/Deal With It

Mess is generally a state of being dirty or untidy; a state of having problems or troubles; even a financial mess; a series of such messes can lead us to one common verdict- life is a mess.    

Few know how to deal with it and I learnt something about it at a coffee bar.

A young girl busy on her computer, was occasionally distracted by comments from two boys at the next table. Finally, she looked them in the eye and said “My mother raised me to be the most kind hearted person you’ll meet. But if you mess with me, I have my father’s last name." That said it all. The boys settled their bill, apologised and left.

Three children in school uniform at another table had been watching and kept staring at her. She called them over, One asked, “Where do you get your confidence from?”

“You could be in a mess, or others could mess with you. What you do with the mess matters. I was a big mess in my younger days. My mother had her own way of dealing with my mess and trained me to deal with it too.”

“Being in a mess is exhausting,” one child said. She smiled, “Mess grows with you in different ways and dimensions unless you deal with it well and on time. She recalled one childhood memory. While playing at home, she had created a mountain of mess with dolls, blocks, books, crayons, and loose drawing sheets. Her mother entered the house with two friends.  

What happened next, “I can imagine said one school girl.” "No, you cannot imagine," was the computer girl’s response. Her mother did not scold her, she smiled and told her friends, “Please excuse the mess. My child is making memories and is learning her way.”

Later playing, a little hand bag of her favourite doll could not be found. She became frantic and started sobbing. Her mother calmly said, “Cleaning the mess is much faster, than looking for lost things”. Mother and friends helped cleaning. The bag was found, and the room was spic and span. Smilingly the girl said “Ever since that day, I learnt to keep my surrounding clean without mess”

Her advice to the children stayed with me, “Life is a constant series of cleaning up the last mess. So, stop trying to skip the messy part. The messy part is where you grow”.

As she grew older, different kinds of mess appeared. Her mother’s simple teachings remained: “break them down to manageable daily actions. Emotional mess, when ignored, can quietly grow and affect how we think, feel and respond. Even our surroundings can influence our ability to focus, relax and feel at ease."

Then came what she called her "spiritual mess," a time when she felt disconnected, overwhelmed and confused within herself. Her mother introduced her to Gurbani. She gradually understood that just as the body needs cleansing, the mind (Mann) too needs daily purification. The search for meaning, purpose, and a connection beyond the self-began to untangle her inner confusion and bring emotional stability.

One child then asked, “why do people mess with others?” “Sometimes,” she replied, “because of their own insecurities, need for control or unresolved pain. They may not understand the hurt they cause.” Perhaps such people too need guidance – a calm, non-judgemental space where they can face their own confusion and to deal with it."

A phone beeped. The children’s car pool had arrived. As they thanked her and were leaving something urged me to say “One must be careful with whom you mess, because you never know, how well they are protected in their spiritual world.”